Road House (1989)

 Ass-kicking awesomeness.

In these modern times, people, including myself, constantly underestimate the power of a perfectly sculpted and flowing mullet.  While today, it would cause you to be labelled as a redneck, or a hillbilly, or even possibly a hoser in Canada, in 1989 it would have given you the strength to beat rowdy bar dudes senseless, score with big-haired eighties chicks whose boobs seem to always become exposed and rip peoples throats out if absolutely necessary.

In the classic blockbuster B-movie Road House, the late Patrick Swayze stars as Dalton, a ‘cooler,’ who goes into crazy bars and cleans them up for some reason.  His presence is requested at the Double-Deuce, a place where every few minutes or so people start smashing chairs over each other’s heads, falling face first into the fragile wooden circle tables which seem to be in endless supply.

The guy who ‘owns’ the town has some kind of fixation on the Deuce, filling it with tough henchmen who try to take out Dalton with their awesome fighting skills and sparkling boot knives. The mullet of course prevails again.

In case the movie was not manly enough, Sam Elliott as Wade Garrett, who does the same thing for a living, shows up to help out his old buddy Dalton.  They break limbs and faces to a blues rock soundtrack while their combined testosterone cleans up the bar and unites the townsfolk.

After the good guys blow away the evil tyrant with shotguns (oops…spoiler) and a stuffed polar bear defeats and converts the last of his followers, there are no legal repercussions and Dalton is able to continue going on banging eighties chicks. 

That is it.  If you have people over at your house with open alcohol, you owe it to yourself to rent or buy this movie and let the comedy and mullets take over your party.

Matt Williams

 Author of the Jak Phoenix Space Adventures at

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